Living with it

I’m going to Ikea today, this evening I am going to a friends house where I can assume wine will be taken and nibbles consumed. So today I am doing the kind of things everyone else is doing on a Saturday (hoping they won’t all be in Ikea, Edinburgh). So what has brought about this normalcy?

Have my moods stabilised?- no

Am I less anxious about these events than I was?- no

Am I now ‘getting back to normal’?- no

I’ve simply realised that this isn’t going away, I have got various mental illnesses and I am mentally ill. But I need to figure out how to live with my mental illness instead of fighting it all the time.

So what has forced this change in outlook? Well the realisation that I am fast approaching the eighth month of my illness has ‘helped’. I also had to suffer the indignity of the DLA form last night. I’m don’t feel applying for DLA is undignified, it was listing all the things I can’t do and scrutinising how my illness gets in the way of every aspect of my life that really ‘helped’.

So this morning as I dropped half a bag of sugar and half a pint of milk on my bedroom carpet, I was reminded of my dizziness and shakiness. My trip to Ikea was to be a secret solo one but a loving protective friend has intervened to do the driving and help support me through it.

I am totally dependant on others to do the simplest things- even the crappy things I hate- grocery shopping, school runs, dealing with mail, getting to and through various medical appointments. My memory is very poor so I have a heavy dependence on post-its.

So my life and my appearance appear normal, inside I am as chaotic as ever. My conditions can be treated and my brain chemistry can be stabilised but I doubt I will ever be cured. So I need to put things in place to help me live with it I haven't given up the fight, just chosen a different opponent and amassed a team to help. I'm always looking for new team members so if you see me today, say hi.

If you’re another 1 in 4 I hope you have some things to help you through the next couple of days, I know how hard weekends can be.

PS I ordered my T-shirt!

Art?

Since my illness hit I have created many pieces, in many different ways, most are safely locked away but here is an example from today. I have the feeling it may be a prolific day art wise!


This one uses acrylics, pencil, pva glue and Hama beads stolen from the children (actually Pyssla cheap IKEA equavilant of Hama beads!)

It's called

Bursting out, Seeping in

I'd like to say it's not one of the finest examples of my work but the standard is pretty typical!