Day 12 on Lithium with one dose increase so far. I’m at home for the weekend to ‘suck it and see’ so to speak.
It’s gone well so far but I discovered that my hands are still too shaky to pluck my own eyebrows, drink with one hand or eat soup which doesn’t help with the torturous insatiable hunger. I’ve woken every morning for days with a headache and have leg cramps; I’m tired all the time and have barely moved from the sofa. I’ve kind of got used to being a bit of a wreck mentally but these physical impediments upset me.
And how is my mental health? Well, going to the local shop, five minutes walk away, makes my heart beat faster and my hands shake even more. I would prefer the safety and cover of driving to the shop but that is out of the question for the time being. (more on that later)
I’ve spent the weekend actively not navel-gazing, replacing thinking with trashy TV and so far it’s worked………..most of the time.
When I’ve allowed myself to think ahead to my future I’ve forced myself to consider the practicalities. I think I finally have my finances sorted, I’ve yet to work out just where to cut my cloth but I know I’m going to have to.
I’ve done some research into the driving question and I really don’t like what I’ve unearthed.
According to the DVLA website I have to inform them of my diagnosis but there is no information there that gives me a clue as to what will happen regarding my license, I guess each case is considered individually according to medical reports. I daresay even when I am well enough to drive the cost of insurance will be crippling anyway so I’ve slowly become resigned to the fact that this family will be without a car.
I know lots of families survive perfectly happily without a car but for my family, who are well used to having a car and living the kind of life that requires a car (my GP surgery is a 20 minute drive away) this will be a difficult change to get used to.
And that’s just the tip of the changes iceberg, in the interests of continued not navel gazing I will resist writing about my job or my hobbies for now.
I’m assured by everyone I speak to that I do have a future, it’ll just be different- well so far I don’t like the differences and I’m not sure I’ve gained much from them.