I usually do or think something then think I should blog about it, today I just feel like blogging.
Today is Saturday; I've been at home just short of a full week.
So how's it going?
Well the beginning of the week nearly saw me "back inside" but my lovely GP deemed me well enough not to be sectioned. I politely declined the many invitations to return to the hospital. I have evened out a little as the week has gone on though still seem to be stuck in fast-forward. It's 8.42am on a Saturday morning and I am up, ready and raring to go, I was the same yesterday and ended up very frustrated that none of the shops opened at 8.30am (I needed ant traps!).
My days are very productive and non-stop but I think it's largely because they can be- at home there's always something to do.
I've still not officially been discharged from hospital; I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday that should see me "released back into the community".
I never know quite how to prepare for a psychiatrist appointment- had it been yesterday at 4pm she would've been amazed at my progress- not high or low, no agitation but by 8pm I was doing a drugs inventory again "just in case".
On Monday I intend to ask just what is wrong with me. I only have one diagnosis on paper as the consultant "doesn't like to label people". I understand that the issue of labels is a sticky one, some people like them, others don’t- I do.
How do you know what's in something if there is no label? I know what's in me is mostly me but there are a few other things in there too and if I know what they are, I stand some chance of beating them or at least living in some sort of harmony with them.
In the absence of officially sanctioned labels, Dr Google FRCP is only too happy to step in and as anyone with mental illness knows- any illness can see you fitting the diagnostic criteria for everything in DSMIV. (In fact I am convinced the DSM has a photo of me on every page)
So Monday should bring some clarification (and a need to shop for specific self-help books) and an idea of what the future may hold in terms of my mental health.
I don’t have any fear of what Monday may bring labels wise- I’m more scared of being told I’m just me and am being discharged and having my support withdrawn.