For the first time in years I slept until 10am this morning, it felt great and for a moment or two I thought this illness lark could be quite good.
I had the leisurely start to the day I'd promised myself then decided as I was feeling calm and stable; now would be a good time to tackle all the grown-up stuff I’m been hiding from.
Then the postman came, bearing sad news from HMRC Tax Credits that somewhat forced my hand.
So today I have been rationalising my finances in preparation for my pay dropping by half next month as I reach my sixth month off sick.
It seems incredibly unfair that as well as fighting mental illness and fighting to recover enough to cope with normal life again I have to do battle with the bank, Tax Credits and DWP.
None of these agencies has the same sense of urgency to get things sorted as I do and I am at the mercy of the rather ominous sounding “decision maker” to see if I can get DLA to help ease the financial burden a little. A decision in my favour will mean a ‘change in circumstances’ that needs to be reported to Tax Credits so it could be months before I know where I stand financially.
It’s enough to force me back to work.
I spent a large part of the day on the phone to BT, gas and electricity companies and insurance companies to try and cut my outgoings a bit but I am in the tricky situation of having no idea what my income is going to be.
You can only guess what effect this uncertainty and lack of control is having on my mental health.
I have no-one to share this burden with my team has done their bit, I am the only adult in my household and part of that role is shielding the children from the current situation at least until I know exactly what the situation is.
I am fortunate, I am not facing complete financial ruin, we’ll always have just enough, because we’ll have to but it is so unfair- just when things feel like they’re getting a little better something comes along to throw a spanner in the works.
My poor donkey is having to be fuelled with value range carrots and whilst he willingly eats them, he’d like to know when he can have grade 1 carrots again and for how long. I haven’t had the heart to tell the donkey about yesterdays budget, I fear he would just give up.