Today started at 100mph courtesy of my 5 year old. By 9am we’d baked bread and done some art and I was out of energy and ideas. We walked to the shop I felt tired and ill and couldn’t wait for 12.30 to come so I could ship him off to nursery for a couple of hours. I stayed calm, reminded myself that most parents of most 5 year olds felt exactly the same way, this was not mental illness this was life.
With the hideous budget ringing in my ears, I dropped the youngest at nursery, went and picked up my newly-repaired phone then went to pick up my middle child to take her to the dentist. After the dentist was finished with her we went for a few groceries, collected the youngest from nursery and came home.
There was the traditional ‘just in from school’ flurry of excitement, paired with the ‘lets get the sprinkler on and soak ourselves, the kitchen and all the towels in the house’ flurry of excitement followed by the relative calm of dinner.
Sometime after dinner the youngest child was collected by his dad for a couple of nights. Shortly afterward I did something I haven’t done for a while (and at one point something I vowed never to do again) and I attended a meeting of my constituency Labour Party (CLP).
Attending this meeting, in spite of its appearance (a large-ish handful of members in a small hut on the end of a harbour) marked a huge milestone for me. It was the first time I’d been around people who I felt had badly let me down when I was at my lowest ebb. It was the first time the new me was revealed to those more familiar with the old me. It was the first time I have said ‘no’ to holding two positions of responsibility within the local party.
I even declared my intention to stand for selection to contest the Scottish Parliament elections in 2011.
That was a conversation stopper I can tell you.
So why did I do it? Well I did it for all the reasons I did it last time, I still believe local people deserve a local choice, I still believe people in my constituency are being let down by the Lib-Dems, I still think that there are huge numbers of people in North East Fife who go unrepresented.
I also did it for me. This is what I want to do and I feel ready to start thinking about doing it again. I’m not stupid enough to think if there was an election tomorrow I’d be fit enough to stand in it but I reckon by next May I will be. I also now have a whole new area of expertise to campaign on!
So there you go, I’ve said it out loud now, it makes it real, though it’s been real in my head for a long time now. As well as all the other reasons to beat/manage this illness I have this to add but it feels more like a carrot than a stick and my donkey likes carrots.
All I have to do now is convince local members I’m worth another shot………